online edition

The Student Newspaper of Hopkins School

A Letter to an Outrageous Overdecorator

Connor Pignatello ’19 Op-Ed Assistant Editor
Dear Esteemed Acquaintance,
I am writing out of sheer admiration for your outdoor holiday decor, good sir. I swoon at the quality and quantity of it every time I pass by your house. No matter the season, your strobe lights and ringing music stand out. Your inflatable decorations scream at me with holiday cheer, and I can’t keep my eyes off them. Every holiday your yard is as dressed up as a middle schooler at his first school dance. Your house stands out from the surrounding homes like a dove amongst a flock of pigeons. We neighbors are not worthy competition. 

Twenty inflatable eggs and a legion of bunnies for Easter? Definitely. Purple and pink hearts scattered with loving care for Valentine’s Day? Of course. A blown-up turkey leg the size of a small horse for Thanksgiving? Obviously. Twenty inflatable trees for Arbor Day? Why not? You’ve got a reindeer on top of the house, a ten-foot-tall inflatable Santa on the walkway, and a full-scale-replica of Santa’s workshop on the screened porch. You have a bevy of menorahs for Hanukkah and a troupe of skeletons for Halloween. A gaggle of groundhogs for Groundhog Day, a throng of flags for Independence Day, and a congregation of pilgrims for Thanksgiving. You impress me each and every holiday.

I commend your focus on holiday decorations, especially while there are crises going on in the world. There are 49 million people in the United States who struggle to put food on the table. But who cares about them when you can have Christmas decorations instead? Why spend your money on charity when you can spend it on air? Christmas is the season of giving and helping those less fortunate, but it’s also the best time to show off the splendor of your front yard. Your decorations dwarf the neighbors’ twig they call a Christmas tree. But they deserve to  be dwarfed; they’re not worthy competition for your wondrous lawn. 

If not for your hundreds of inflatable decorations, what good would holidays be? And how would everyone else in the neighborhood know that their lawns are inferior? Just one wreath for Christmas? Come on, Cheryl. Only a single pumpkin on the front stoop? Get your act together, Gary. You, my friend, are making up for the whole neighborhood all by yourself. 

Despite the lack of competition by your neighbors, you continue to amaze. I hope I can reach your level of perfection some day. With much adoration, your unworthy disciple.

Sincerely, 
Connor Pignatello
Back
Editor in Chief 
Theodore Tellides

Managing Editor 
Katie Broun

News
Sarah Roberts
JR Stauff
Zoe Kim
Julia Kosinski
Features
Connor Pignatello
Izzy Lopez-Kalapir
Lily Meyers
Veronica Yarovinsky

Arts
Ellie Doolittle
Katherine Takoudes
Leah Miller
Op/Ed
Connor Hartigan
Saloni Jain
Simon Bazelon

Sports
Audrey Braun
Alex Hughes
Teddy Glover
Anushree Vashist
Voices
Sara Chung
Saira Munshani
George Kosinski

Editors-at-Large
Olivia Capasso
Elena Savas
Noah Schmeisser
Ziggy Gleason
Casey Gleason
Cartoonists
Melody Parker
Arthur Masiukiwicz

Webmasters
Nina Barandiaran
Arushi Srivastava

Business Managers
Caitlyn Chow
Sophia Fitzsimonds

Faculty Advisers
Elizabeth Gleason
Jennifer Nicolelli
Sorrel Westbrook
The Razor's Edge reflects the opinion of 4/5 of the editorial board and will not be signed. The Razor welcomes letters to the editor but reserves the right to decide which letters to publish, and to edit letters for space reasons. Unsigned letters will not be published, but names may be withheld on request. Letters are subject to the same libel laws as articles. The views expressed in letters are not necessarily those of the editorial board.
     
The Razor,
 an open forum publication, is published monthly during the school year by students of: 
Hopkins School
986 Forest Road
New Haven, CT 06515

Phone: 203.397.1001 x271
Email: jnicolelli@hopkins.edu