Ashley Deng ’27 Assistant Features Editor, and Aurelia Wen ’27 Assistant Features Editor
Most Likely to Secretly be a Pro Gamer: Dennis Tsui
Tsui gladly embraced the title: “I thought I was good at Super Smash Bros., which I would love to be pro in…but I got beat by this guy who was a competitive player at a summer camp,” he said, “and when the pandemic hit, I practiced every day for hours.”
Runner-up: David DeNaples
“It’s an honor,” DeNaples said humbly. He also commented that “Most of my gaming is about being an introvert and retreating into my own little world.”
Best Duo: Michael Calderone and Dan Gries
Their fake beef is legendary. Calderone admitted, “We have this fake beef that has been about a decade old where we give each other a hard time and we call each other names.” He admitted that they have been “called to the principal’s office by Geoff Nelson for being snarky [to each other]” in a reply-all email war. Gries, on the other hand, took full credit for the superlative: “I don’t think this really has anything to do with Mike Calderone. I think that he was just a random person to pair with me, because they just wanted to get me involved in this somehow, because I’m awesome.” He added, “I’m happy to see my name in print. G-R-I-E-S.”
Runners-up: Sarah Leite and Kristen Abraham
“We definitely are an unstoppable duo,” Abraham confirmed. “We share this tiny office together with no windows. We share a classroom, and we co-teach AP Chem.” Leite added, “Kids call us ‘chem besties.’”
Nerdiest: Joshua Zelinsky
Zelinsky said, “I was worried it was something really bad, but, that’s pretty accurate.” With a PhD, a reputation for being “super mathy,” and a “short guy with glasses,” Zelinsky sees himself as fit for a stereotypical nerd.
Most Likely to Be Always Caught Up with the Latest Trend: Jessica Dunn
“I feel surprised and honored,” Dunn said. She credits her seventh and eighth graders for keeping her in the loop: they “tried to explain what ‘skibidi’ meant to me last year,” she recalled. “Sometimes I have them translate ancient primary sources into 7th/8th grade speech, and that helps me understand some of their terminology.”
Runner-up: Daniel Levy
“I hate social media, but I do give Kriti Patel ’25 credit for keeping me up to date,” Levy said.
Best Teacher Voice That Could Silence a Stadium: Errol Saunders II
“Over the years, people have been like, ‘You have a great voice for radio,’” Saunders said.
Runner-up: Megan Maxwell Maxwell laughed when she heard the title. “Oh wow. I like it. I have been known to catch people’s attention from across a parking lot,” she admitted.
Most Likely to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse (and lead the rest of us): Dante Brito
Brito explained that “Just the idea of being a caring person” might make him a great leader. Brito also nominated Dr. D’Angelo for the superlative, “because he can peel and dissect animals” and “he is very good with a knife.”
Runner-up: Daniel Levy
Levy noted, “I’m not sure I’d survive… so maybe I’ll run away from everyone.” When asked to lead the rest of us, Levy replied, “Yeah, I don’t think that’ll happen.”
Most Likely to Star in a Reality TV Show: Shanti Madison
Her reaction? “How dare you, and where do you get off?” She feels insulted, flattered, and grateful. “I think I’d be really good at ‘Survivor’ or ‘Traitor,’” she said. “I know many of my students are some of my biggest haters, so this is expected,” she admitted. “It’s a title I will hold in my heart forever, and also, whoever nominated me better watch their back because I will find you,” she said.
Best Dressed: Daniel Levy
“I try to look nice, I guess,” he said.
Runner-up: Stephen May
“My friends make fun of me because I once said ‘Fashion never takes a day off.’ How we look is an expression of who we are. Plus, I’m neurodiverse—I feel most comfortable when I’m in a uniform of one kind or another,” said May.
Best Walk–in-the-Hallway Energy: Amelia Audette
Greetings, waves, smiles, and spontaneous dancing make up her hallway energy. Audette said, “If you ask my seventh graders, they think that I am their dose of caffeine