EXCLUSIVE: Assembly Speeches Now Powered by MattGPT, Founded in 1660

For 366 years, Hopkins School has prided itself on producing leaders, scholars, and citizens capable of facing the complexities of an ever-changing world. But allegedly, the individual currently tasked with guiding those leaders may not be facing those complexities alone. 

He’s got a little help from his digital friend. 

A seventh grader, who identifies as “MinecraftSlayer_67,” stumbled upon proof that Head of School Matt Glendinning has been outsourcing his weekly assembly speeches to artificial intelligence. "I don't actually know how to hack. I just asked ChatGPT How to get into someone's laptop. It was surprisingly easy.” The irony of using one AI to expose another AI was, according to MinecraftSlayer_67, “No cap, very litty.” 

What the sevie uncovered has sent ripples of amusement through a community. For months, students and faculty have whispered about the uncanny quality of Glendinning’s speeches, the inevitable appearance of 1660 at least two times, and the word “community” three times before the five-minute mark, the precisely curated 1.8 second margin for applause, and the ending phrases that begin unfailingly with “Let us.”  Johnny Robbie ’31 recalls one particularly iconic finale: “I think he paused, and then said, ‘Let us continue the work begun in 1660, as one community.’ When he says it, I feel like I should click ‘accept cookies.’” 

But perhaps the most shocking discovery was not the use of AI itself. It was Glendinning’s ChatGPT history.  Robbie commented that “It’s honestly kind of beautiful, impressively human, and very Hopkins.” One query appears with alarming frequency: 

 "Robert Galbraith book 8 release date 2026 please." Then again, one week later: "Cormoran Strike book 8 release date rumors reddit." Then again, three days after that: "Is J.K. Rowling definitely writing more Strike books or should I be worried." Then, heartbreakingly: "Robert Galbraith book 8 release date 2026 please I know I've asked before but I keep thinking about it at 3am and I need to know."

When asked for comment, Glendinning graciously sat down to address the controversy. “I want to be transparent,” he began, reading from a printed sheet. “Yes, I have occasionally used AI as a brainstorming tool. But I want to assure everyone that every word I speak at assembly comes from a place of genuine care for this community, founded in 1660, and let us continue building… ” He turned the page and continued, “a future grounded in tradition….” Then he continued abruptly: “Got it! Here’s a polished version of your response with a slightly warmer tone! Let me know if you’d like to make it more concise, more formal, or more inspirational! ” 

Observers confirm that the pause that followed lasted exactly 1.8 seconds.

As for MinecraftSlayer_67, the infamous hacker has become a hero among the seventh-grade class; this newfound fame, however, has come with complications. "My mom took my iPad away," he revealed glumly, "She said hacking into the head of the school's laptop is 'not an appropriate use of screen time.' I tried to explain that I was performing a vital public service, but she said my public service can wait until I finish my Latin homework." But while MinecraftSlayer_67 returns to a life of confiscated electronics and unfinished Latin homework, the Hopkins community is left grappling with a far more unsettling question.

Matt Glendinning has exactly one LinkedIn connection. Is it Hopkins School? Is it Robert Galbraith? Or has MattGPT finally connected with itself?