Not All Bathrooms Are Created Equal

“Not Baldwin basement,” warned Kendyll McCormack ‘27. “The library one is nice, but people bang on the door,” said Henrietta Hall ‘27.

Ask around, and you’ll learn quickly: not all bathrooms are created equal. Using student voices and a school-wide survey conducted earlier this month, this article explores how bathrooms at Hopkins function as social and emotional spaces. In a survey with 182 responses, 60.4% of respondents ranked APAC as the best bathroom on campus, while 65.4% agreed that the locker rooms are the worst. The reasoning ranged from practical reasons to personal ones, as one student put it simply: “no internet in the locker rooms make it so hard to scroll.” 

APAC’s dominance in the rankings came as no surprise to most students. “They’re so new and modern,” Leila Abate ’27 said. Students praised the gender-neutral bathrooms in particular, describing them as "clean, spacious, and secure, with locks that actually work.” One respondent likened using APAC to being “secure in a space pod.” Still, APAC is not without its critics. One student complained that the faucets are “so aggressive you walk out looking like you just had a water gun fight,” emerging from the bathroom “looking like you just lost a battle.” 

The locker room bathrooms faced more criticisms. “The locker room is crusty,” one student wrote. “Floors are always wet, even in the mornings. Hair everywhere.” Another described the girls’ locker room bathroom as “seriously concerning,” citing broken stall doors, flooding, and a persistent smell. Another went further, writing that they have to “ram the door so it says shut” and noting the “disgusting pillar of gum.” 

Besides the obvious best and worst bathrooms, preferences become far more diverse. For Jack Beauclair ’27, the ranking is decisive. “Third floor Baldwin men’s bathroom is no doubt my favorite,” he said immediately, before offering a runner-up: “Library bathroom with a good view.” Isaac Kim ’27 agrees, describing his experience on the third floor Baldwin bathroom as “pleasant because of the amazing New Haven view.” In fact, Baldwin’s upper floors have developed something of a cult following. “There’s nothing like taking care of business on the third floor Baldwin bathroom and looking out at the city skyline,” one student wrote. Another called it “a scenic overlook while on the throne.” 

For 7.7% of respondents, the library bathroom was ranked the best, and not by accident. “The library bathroom is definitely in my top three,” Leila Abate ’27 said. “It almost always has sufficient toilet paper, unlike the Baldwin basement one.” She paused, then added a refrain heard repeatedly across campus: “APAC bathrooms are great, they are so new and modern.” Robotics and Physics teacher Ms. Connelly agrees about the library bathroom, though for her, atmosphere matters more than logistics.“window, space, lighting, view,” she said. “The library bathroom is perfect and very peaceful. There’s a lot of zen.” Her verdict elsewhere was less forgiving. “The gym bathroom sucks. It’s old, clammy, and always full of kids.”

Zen, however, is subjective.

“Even though it’s so nice and peaceful on the inside,” Henrietta Hall ’27 said when asked about the library bathroom, “there are constantly people outside shaking on the door. It gives me pressure.” The windows, she added, are a mixed blessing. “They make me feel like someone’s spying on me.” Hall’s favorite lies off the beaten path. “The best bathroom is in Thompson, on the first floor,” she said. “It’s a hidden single bathroom with a desk where you can put your bag. It’s so big, so clean, and more importantly, no one ever goes in there. It’s the perfect bathroom.” Then she added,. “One of these days, I will buy a flower and put it inside.”

Others find mystery more comforting than flowers: “My favorite one has to be Baldwin basement,” Richard Helmy ’28 admitted. “No one is ever there. It’s so mysterious and cool.” That description is not universal. “The Baldwin basement girls’ bathroom is definitely haunted,” Ashley Omega ’27 said, before lowering her voice. “Once the toilet seat was ripped off by God-knows-what.” Similarly, Emily Dinesque ‘29 dislikes the Baldwin basement bathroom, describing it as “clammy and old” while Roselyn Shen ’27 said it makes her “feel weird and unsafe, like something’s always lurking around.” 

Not all Baldwin bathrooms, however, are doomed by reputation. Kendyll McCormack ’27 said that her favorite is on the second floor. “The tile floors are pretty, the color palette is nice,” she said. “Every feature combined makes it feel cozy and comfortable.” For Alice Valente ’27, the decision depends on boundaries, not buildings. “I only use gender-neutral bathrooms,” they said. “The best one has to be the Malone one because the overall vibes are great.” Sensory details also matter. “The scent is fine. The lights are harsh, just like any public bathroom. I hope the school makes them softer.” Not everyone is interested in views, though.“ I only use the gym bathrooms,” Ariel Adams ’27 said. “I don’t care about views. Who cares about the view in the bathroom? What?”

Whether it’s the quiet luxury of APAC, the universal dread of the locker rooms, the polarizing mystery of Baldwin basement, or the almost-mythical Thompson first-floor single, bathrooms at Hopkins are perceived differently for all. For some, a good bathroom is about privacy and security; for others, it is about lighting, cleanliness, or even the view out the window. A bathroom one student finds peaceful, another finds stressful. At Hopkins, bathrooms are places “to escape crowds, avoid awkward interactions, and scroll in peace.” While APAC may dominate the ranking on the survey, there is no single “best” bathroom, only one that feels right at the moment..